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Written by NHC
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Thursday, 23 June 2005 10:59 |
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ROBO-MELON
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ÃÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅ´ Copyright (C) 1992 by Timothy Campbell à ÅÅÅÅ ÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅ´
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Here's one that isn't very technological but is, I think, in the spirit of
cyberpunk. We start at the local shopping mall.
Go to a toy store and buy a package of ballons and a little squeeze toy.
Visit the vegetable stand and buy a cantelope and some gum. Buy a shirt at
the clothing boutique and pick up some refills for your safety razor at the
drug store. Finally, get some Krazy Glue at the hardware store.
I'm sure you can see where this is going.
Bring your booty home to your workshop. Pop a stick of gum into your mouth
and while you're chewing that, unpack the shirt. You can wear the shirt if
you want, but we really want the small pins they use to hold it to the
cardboard. Use one of the razors to cut away a small square of the
cardboard. Put this aside for later, along with the pins.
Disembowel the squeeze toy (destructive, eh?) and remove the little cylinder
inside that makes the squeek when you squeeze the toy.
With the razor, cut out the end of the cantelope, then use a spoon to hollow
it out a bit. Now, put a few drops of your trusty Krazy Glue on the
squeeker, and insert it into a small ballon. The part of the squeeker that
normally protruded from the nether regions of the toy should similarly
protrude from the ballon. Now, by blowing into the squeeker the wrong way,
partially inflate the ballon. Hold your finger over the end of the squeeker
to keep the balloon from deflating.
Insert the ballon into the cantelope such that it is under moderate pressure
from the flesh of the fruit. Stick your wad of chewed gum over the hole at
the end of the squeeker, cover this with the square of cardboard, then
QUICKLY replace the end-cap that you earlier cut off the cantelope. None of
the cardboard should be visible -- it's there to keep the gum in place,
since the end-cap is too soft for that and needs the reinforcement.
Use the small pins to hold the end cap in position. The pins should go in
straight, so that the end cap could be lifted STRAIGHT off.
Back to the mall. When the greengrocer isn't looking, pop your gimmicked
melon back in the display stand. Place it with the end-cap down, right
underneath the sign that says DO NOT SQUEEZE THE FRUIT!
When somebody DOES pick up and squeeze the fruit, the end will pop off. The
melon will SCREEEEEEEEAM!
Just one suggestion: warn off the customers who look like they have a heart
condition.
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